Daniel Baldwin hates his brothers

NEWPORT BEACH, Calif. - A judge issued an arrest warrant Tuesday for Daniel Baldwin after he failed to appear in Orange County Superior Court on charges that he illegally took another person's car.

Which Baldwin is this one? I know there is a fat Baldwin, a Baldwin who watched Sharon Stone go to the bathroom and then railed her from behind, another Baldwin who is only slightly less fat and now hangs with the likes of Ron Jeremy, Jose Canseco and Ponch on reality TV shows, and a Baldwin who is less famous than any of his superstar brothers. Judging by the photo I would guess this is the less famous Baldwin.

Cut him slack though, it has to be tough living in the shadow of three megastars like Alec, William, and Stephen. I know what this is like as I to come from a family of entertainers. At a very early age I felt the pressure to perform sexually on camera and it took its toll on me. It was only through the grace of God, three stints in rehab, and a cocktail of powerful HIV drugs that I am here today to share my story. Hopefully Daniel will have a similar intervention and right his life.

I do have one gripe with Danny Boy though. The guy was fucking trolling the Santa Monica streets for a ride, undoubtedly in an attempt to get to an audition for Dancing with the Stars, and all he could come away with was a 2003 Yukon? Bro, this is why you aren’t as famous as your brothers…you just don’t have the passion and drive to succeed like they do. Alec never would have left Santa Monica in anything other than a BMW or Mercedes.

Next time you are down on your luck, which will probably be when you are released from jail, I suggest shaving and offering your newly acquired janitorial skills to your brothers for some table scraps.