iPods and Pea Coats: An Epidemic

NEW YORK (Reuters) - New Yorkers who blithely cross the street listening to an iPod or talking on a cell phone could soon face a $100 fine.

Thank god! It is about time cities start fighting back. I think I am the only person in the fucking world that does not have an iPod or Pea Coat. I do have a radio, television, and Discman so why the fuck would I need an iPod? Yeah that's right...I said Discman! I do not need 2,000 fucking songs at my disposal. I don't know 2,000 words let alone songs. All I need is a Rascal Flatts or Carrie Underwood CD in my Discman and I am set for a day of easy listening.

I am tired of saying "excuse me" as I try to pass clueless iPod users only to have them not budge. I hate getting hit by the flaring arms of a middle aged man with purple hair as he has his one man rave on the sidewalk. No more listening to someone else’s rap music as I'm trying to read my romance novel.

If you ask me, this is not going far enough. I would suggest a city ordinance that requires anyone riding on public transportation take a shower at least 24 hours before boarding. I realize this may depress the minority work force due to an inability to get to work, but it is not fair that we people who can afford soap have to sit next to someone reeking of cigarettes, gin, and curry. Then I would make it against the law for fat women to take escalators (plus they need the exercise), which would then allow us people who have to get to work on time to keep walking up the escalator. Finally, I would ban the use of push carts by Asian women thus preventing any more foot and shin injuries. Do these few things and our cities will once again be habitable.