Keith Urban is a party and play kind of boy

NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Keith Urban has completed his treatment for alcohol abuse and will ease back onto the stage with a short run of club shows in the United Kingdom and Germany in April, his spokesman said Tuesday.

It’s good to see Keith get back on the saddle. Nothing shows a commitment to sobriety like leaving rehab and going on a tour of saloons and state fairs. I mean the temptation to drink during a Keith Urban USA tour would surely be too great with all his crazy groupies; prepubescent girls, Christian teens, and overweight mothers in black leather vests, cowboy hats and boots, so it is a good thing he is starting off in Europe where no one has a drinking problem.

I think I would develop a drinking problem too if my wife could kick my ass, made more money than me, and had to lie down to suck me off. It is a miracle he didn’t drink more; luckily his 135 pound frame would only allow him to consume 4 Coors Lights before he blacked out, thus preventing any of the cruel side effects of alcoholism…like a hangover. His drunken exploits are legendary though! During a tour with Kenny Chesney he drank one too many Strawberry Daiquiri and got into a heated argument with Kenny (over a cross necklace) resulting in the two men rolling on the ground wrestling each other in their wife beaters and tight black jeans. There was even speculation that during the fight Keith became so enraged that he ripped Chesney’s jeans off and gave him a vicious titty-twister.

When will the world realize you don’t fuck with an Aussie after he is 4 Coors Light deep and has a small man’s complex: see Mel Gibson, Russ Crowe, Steve Irwin, and the Wiggles.