Like a frog's, my ass is water-tight

OMAHA, Neb. - Two things made Christopher Willever's drunken theft of a Tobacco Hut even worse as he crawled across the store floor, a lousy belt and his camera-loving backside. Tired of being poor, Willever drank a fifth of rum and decided to rob the store, said his public defender, Kelly Steenbock. He was drunk enough not to realize that his pants had fallen down, exposing his bottom to cameras that eventually fed the surveillance to TV shows across the country. "He was pretty humiliated and embarrassed," Steenbock said. Otepka said Willever was an adult who is still supported by his mother and does not have a high school diploma.

First off, how money does my butt look in that picture? My mom really flashed her artistic side with that pic, and is really putting her new camera to good use. GO MOM!!!

That being said, I feel badly for this kid and am going to try to take it easy on him. He kind of has the perfect-storm going on.... he's poor, uneducated, and he lives in Nebraska (although it would have just been easier saying he's from Nebraska because you would have presumed correctly that he is poor and uneducated).

The best part of the story is how his defense is that he is tired of being poor. Hell, I have been tired of having a small dick for the past 2+ decades, but you don't see me polishing off a bottle of rum and tying free-weights to my schlong. If you are tired of being poor, do what most poor people in the Midwest do: have lots of babies, buy yourself a primer colored gas-guzzler, and develop a crippling meth-addiction.

If you do that, you will save yourself the embarrassment of admitting to the world that you are a drunk, poor, dumb, and live with mommy.... and that you don't have an ass nearly as firm and sculpted as mine!