Just living the dream

BRINY BREEZES, Fla. - The owners of nearly 500 mobile homes in one of the last waterfront trailer-park towns in South Florida stand to become instant millionaires if they agree to sell to a developer. But some are holding out, saying there are things more important than money.

I don’t want to sound like an elitist, but it is this kind of logic that resulted in these people having linoleum floors, turf lawn, and the luxury of hearing everyone’s bowel movements. They must not have taken a math class during their 1 semester of community college, because apparently they can’t figure out that they stand to make a profit of $850,000 for their “homes”. Think of all the Folgers coffee and Marlboro Lights that could buy! Who knows, they might even be able to double that money if they get a winner from the $20,000 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets they’re surely going to buy from 7-11.

Here is what I suggest; Take the money, put on your church clothes, wake up mom and dad, and take everyone out for a classy dinner at the Olive Garden. I mean for $850,000 you can have my home, my dog, my porno collection, and give me a golden shower while singing “I’m Too Sexy”.