Mannequins are sluts

FERNDALE, Mich. - A man who has a history of smashing windows to indulge his fetish for female mannequins could draw a long prison term for his latest arrest. Ronald A. Dotson, 39, of Detroit faces up to life in prison if convicted of a charge of attempted breaking and entering at a cleaning-supply company in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale.

Dotson was arrested Oct. 9 after police say he smashed a window at a cleaning-supply company to get at a female mannequin dressed in a black and white French maid's uniform. He had been out of prison for less than a week.

Dotson was arrested in Ferndale in July 2000 and later convicted for breaking and entering at a women's clothing shop to get at a mannequin in a pink dress with bobbed hair.

Finally, a man who gets it and who shares my affinity for quite possibly the most sensual thing in the world: a sexy, living, breathing mannequin (side note: perhaps the only thing sexier is a midget in scuba gear).

I mean, what guy hasn't walked around a department store with a boner after catching a glimpse of a female mannequin continually smiling at him? It happens to me all the time! I just feel bad when they do it in front of the guy mannequins... but i don't think they seem to care much about their ladies giving me the eye, because they seem to be smiling as well.

What I don't get is why they are threatening to lock this dude away for good. We would save everyone involved a whole lot of time and money if we just bought my boy Ronnie a mannequin of his choice and a bunch of tv-dinners and locked him in his basement... For Ronnie, like myself, would find heaven on Earth.

Who wins here? No one! We cannot help who we fall in love with; coitus is coitus be it with a man, woman, horse, emu, or mannequin. Just let the poor guy share his love with consenting mannequins.