Biggest Dong Ever Shredded

LILLINGTON, N.C. - A woman attacked a man in his genitals during a Christmas party, injuring him badly enough that he needed 50 stitches, authorities said Friday. Rebecca Arnold Dawson, 34, was charged with malicious castration in a fight early Tuesday at a party hosted by the 38-year-old man's girlfriend, police said.

State law describes malicious castration as cutting off, maiming or disfiguring a person's genitals with the intent to hurt or render the victim impotent.

Dawson is accused of grabbing the man's genitals. Police said a weapon was not used. He declined to elaborate.

The police may not want to elaborate but I sure will as I have seen this sort of thing 100 times on Cops. Obviously, Dawson came over Christmas Eve for some canned ham and baked beans wearing her nicest jean shorts and an oversized Mickey Mouse t-shirt. After a night of watching porno, huffing paint, and guzzling Milwaukee’s Best, Dawson was sent into a rage when she walked in on “her man” getting fellated by another woman (presumably a sister or a close friend dressed in similar atire). Like a rabid dog on crank, Rebecca went right for her man's meat and proceeded to go Jackie Chan on his love region. Undoubtedly a large woman, Ms. Dawson must have used her girth to pin down the victim while she shredded away at his genitalia like an excited kid opening a Christmas present.

The most impressive and shocking aspect of this story; the victim needed 50 stitches to piece together his dong. Even if I dipped my wang in peanut butter and let Rosie O’Donnell go to town for 20 minutes, I don’t think I would need more than 15 stitches. It’s no wonder this dude was getting so much action... Lucky Bastard!!!