Pirates now doing heroin

JUPITER ISLAND, Florida-- At least 14 men who apparently traveled by open boat across the Caribbean ended their voyage this week at the wealthy enclave of Jupiter Island, just north of posh West Palm Beach, where some broke into a home to cook themselves a meal and get cleaned up, police said.

Homeowners called to say they returned home to find "eggs on the stove, the shower having recently been used and a wet grocery bag of clothes," Atlas said. As they searched for the men, police found a boat containing a handgun and a duffel bag of heroin- and in the water next to the boat was a man's body.

First off, what are these guys doing in the Caribbean? Are they Pirates? If so, they need to be more discreet. I mean, the eye-patch, the peg leg, and the parrot are a dead giveaway... So I would have definitely been sure to leave the handgun, the duffel bag full of smack, and the dead dude back on the pirate ship in order to maintain somewhat of a low-profile.

Regardless, I can't help but put myself in the place of the unsuspecting homeowners... If I was just returning home from my Karate lessons (I am taking karate to avenge the death of my father who was killed by eight ninjas two years ago last week), and I found 14 pirates in my mother's basement eating oranges to cure their scurvy, I would be so fucking pissed! I am not sure how I would react (because my Sensei is teaching me self-control), but I would definitely have to injure at least 8 of them just to send a message to pirates everywhere