PENSACOLA, Fla. - A teenager who sued the city after claiming a police officer forced her to do jumping jacks while topless has reached a $35,000 settlement, officials said. Officer Shawn Patrick Shields found the girl, then 16, and a 19-year-old man together in a parked car in April 2003. Shields ordered the two teens out of the car, then told them he could arrest them for lewd and lascivious behavior, authorities said. The girl told investigators that Shields told her to perform five topless jumping jacks, which she said she did as he shone his flashlight on her.
Only five topless jumping jacks... What is Officer Shields gay or something? I would have started by handcuffing the 19 year old kid and then I would have duct taped his eyes opened. Then, a couple sets of jumping jacks for his women to get her all loosened up. I can't tell you what I would do to pass the next 3 hours because my mom is right behind me waiting to use the computer, but let me just tell you it would have involved 4 road flares, my baton, some pepper spray, some large sunglasses, the taser gun and my nipples. Now that's what I call a party and a lesson learned.
Not to mention that there would be no lawsuit because the girl would have walked away pleased, as I am thick like a tuna can down there... and her man would be very pleased, as he would learn the art of making love and how a real man handles his business (and he would have witnessed, and hopefully studied, my 'finishing move' which involves a series of downward thrusts... all the while my hands are strategically placed on my hips, to make the move appear easy... WHICH IT IS NOT!!!)
And what's wrong with showing a little titty? Shit, I breast-fed until I was 9 (you get more nutrients that way). I love titties!!! Just the sight of 'em gets me rock hard like R-Kelly to Girl Scout music!!!
1 comment:
Never before have I contemplated a tuna can in such a way.
You have touched me, deeply *sniff*
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