Bitches love gettin' stoned

OTTAWA- Immigrants wishing to live in the small Canadian town of Herouxville, Quebec, must not stone women to death in public, burn them alive or throw acid on them, according to an extraordinary set of rules released by the local council.

"We wish to inform these new arrivals that the way of life which they abandoned when they left their countries of origin cannot be recreated here," said the declaration, which makes clear women are allowed to drive, vote, dance, write checks, dress how they want, work and own property. "Therefore we consider it completely outside these norms to ... kill women by stoning them in public, burning them alive, burning them with acid, circumcising them etc."

Sometimes I forget, only to be reminded every so often of why I am so lucky that I don't live in Canada.

I just don't get how dudes in this city will be able to orgasm without being able to burn a girl or mist a girl with a little acid during sex. To me, there is nothing sexier than some bubbling and oozing skin during some really hot and heavy monkey-sex (when either the guy or the girl is hanging by something... be it a ceiling fan, shower-rod, pull-up bar, etc).

The female-circumcision thing doesn't bother me as much, because I don't think I have ever been able to get a girl off. So, to me, a clitoris is the same as an earlobe... just kind of a useless piece of flesh that pointlessly hangs there. And hey, I am circumsized, and I blow my load at least 3 times a day to 30-second clips of free internet porn. So I don't get why chicks wouldn't be able to do the same.

Other than the ban on chick-fires and acid dowsings, the absence of the law would have no effect on me if I was a chick living there. I mean, I don't drive, because of my felony DUI. I don't vote because I find it kind of pointless that we only vote once a year, which makes the lines unbearably long. I don't write checks because I steal a lot... and what I don't steal I pay for with my debit card. And I don't dance (I only breakdance which everyone knows is the oldest and truest form of dance... making it more than a dance due to its transcendent nature).