DETROIT- Philanderers beware: spouses caught cheating in Michigan could end up spending the rest of their life in prison. The state's appeals court recently ruled that extramarital flings can be prosecuted as first-degree criminal sexual conduct, a felony punishable by up to life in jail."Technically," he added, "any time a person engages in sexual penetration in an adulterous relationship, he or she is guilty of CSC I," the most serious sexual assault charge in the state's criminal code.
I must admit that getting cheated on is no joking matter. I have been cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in. After much self-reflection I can only attribute this depressing fact to two possible reasons:
1) I have a very small penis.... I mean VERY small. I am not sure why, since I am half-black and half-italian (think Vin Diesel but not so fucking gay). But my dad thinks it's because of the low-levels of pesticides I was exposed to as a child on our strawberry farm. Often times, while picking strarberries, my undeveloped dong would brush against the freshly-misted plants.
2) My dick really stinks, and always has. It has had this mysterious odor since I went camping when I was a kid. I don't know why, but it is quite embarrassing and is always on my mind when I am knocking it out.
My God, could you imagine getting locked up for life for getting a little strange behind the old lady's back??? These state officials need to chill the fuck out and pray to God that anybody is even living in that shitty state, let alone happy enough to make a little consensual love. Put your time to good use and clean up Eight Mile (which is portrayed as a very dangerous area, despite being populated with very talented wiggers).
I say fuck on Michigan.... FUCK ON!!!
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